“You haven’t aged a bit.” “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” “Young at heart.” “So when are you going to retire?” “Still skiing at your age?”
We’ve all heard, read or experienced comments like that, because American culture is grotesquely youth-centric. The notion is that it is sad to be old, that wrinkles are embarrassing and so on.
There is ageism in the workplace, in the doctor’s office, and in the bedroom, all reinforced by pervasive myths developed throughout our lifetime.
Even The Beatles questioned aging when they sang, “Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I’m 64.” That was in the 60s, when they – and we – were in our 20s and 30s, suggesting perhaps that there is a question about love and relationships for older people.
The well-regarded Pew Center found recently that accepted “hallmarks of aging” include obvious perceptions about gray hair, having grandchildren and being retired. More importantly, perhaps, the research revealed a common view about us older people that includes forgetfulness, problems with bladder control and decreased sexual activity.
Before you start claiming that this “ism” is just more “woke,” the stereotype of ageism lies in the assumption that all members of the older people (elders) group are the same – too old for a certain type of car, specific haircut, type of clothing, how to speak, etc. Not to mention too old to ski, snowboard or X-C.
Despite seeing more grey-haired and otherwise older models in commercials, there is an overwhelming and incessant daily barrage of messages of socially sanctioned prejudice. That message is – simply – that people who are no longer fashionably young and fashionably slim find themselves exiled to the margins of society.
Aging is perceived with weakness, forgetfulness and decline. We are afraid of aging, are in denial about aging, and many societal norms keep us blind to the many benefits of aging (and this is not referring to senior discounts offered at the movie theater or on the ski slopes).
There is research that shows that on average, those with positive perceptions about aging live eight years longer than those with negative beliefs about ageing. This is due in part to their motivation to take better care of themselves and/or their engagement with meaningful activities. Like skiing/riding.
Negative stereotypical beliefs can impact health through psychological and behavioral pathways. They operate unconsciously and increase in power as they become more self-relevant and these beliefs are internalized within American society from childhood throughout a person’s lifespan.
Negative beliefs such as “having a senior moment” have pseudo-scientific legitimacy. Age related frailty and similar age-oriented miss-attributions can influence how we even think about ourselves and if not counteracted by positive beliefs these thoughts can impact how we feel and act.
There are no biological markers for reaching “old age”, despite the prevalence of social security, senior discounts, and retirement age.
“Elderspeak” which is using simplified language, sing-song cadence, and a louder than normal voice is not acceptable as a method for communicating with all older people. Serious mental decline is NOT a normal or inevitable part of ageing.
Aging and memory have much to do with environmental factors and how we approach and think about aging, and the way we tell ourselves how to grow old. The accepted stereotype that the brain inevitably deteriorates as we get older is false.
If you relate to statistics here are a few:
- 75% of those over 85 years old perform everyday activities (i.e., dressing, cooking, relieving themselves) without personal assistance;
- 90% of older folk who are not in nursing homes can think (finding their slippers, making their way) just fine;
- Only 3% of Americans older than 65 are in nursing homes and that rate is down from 5% in the last decade while 9% of those older than 85 are in nursing homes;
- 3.6% of those aged 65-75 in the US have dementia and those rates have been declining;
- of 145 medical schools in the US, only five have a geriatric department and all medical schools require pediatric training compared to less than 10% that require geriatric training.
Do you think that elders are bad drivers? Statistics show that as a group we have fewer accidents, we are more likely to use seat belts, follow speed limits, are not intoxicated, don’t text while driving, and drive much less at night. Hmmm. Sounds like seniors are smarter behind the wheel than their kids or grandkids.
If you want to know more about the slow and subtle shift away from labeling us 50+ folk as doddering idiots, check out these two books –
“Breaking the Age Code” by Dr. Becca Levy (Vermilion, 2022), and “This Chair Rocks, A Manifesto Against Ageism” by Ashton Applewhite (Celadon Books, 2016).
They cover a litany of age-related topics ranging from sex, workplace issues, legislation to address discrimination, the longevity economy, caregiving, independence and self-reliance, retirement living, loneliness, the value of intergenerational relationships, and so much more.
Just in case you don’t already know the answer to the question of whether you’ll still need me and feed me when I’m 64 – ask me on the chairlift.